WHAT I LEARNED FROM UNCLE TOMMY
I learned from Uncle Tommy that paying attention to kids and making them giggle should be a high priority, and that it keeps you young. It’s okay if the grownups roll their eyes, they’ll eventually laugh, too. I learned that one should take every opportunity to blow on babies’ tummies, tickle and chase the toddlers, get the little kids to “pull your finger,” (they always fall for that), and let the older ones drive your car.

I learned from Uncle Tommy to value creativity. From taking pictures of flintstone characters off the TV for kids’ Christmas gifts, to his rustic car series back in the 70s, to gorgeous pictures of the family at reunions, to the slide shows and videos at our weddings…Tom is the go to camera guy. I learned that sometimes with the eye of an artist you can see beauty in small things, and that not every picture has to have smiling people in a row. In fact, the best ones don’t. And a toddler smelling flowers is always a money shot.

I learned from Uncle Tommy that loving your family fiercely includes, in part, always being ready with a story about how accomplished your wife and your boys are. And if kind, smart, funny, and well-adjusted young adults are the measure of a dad, Tom has to be one of the best ones around.

I learned from Uncle Tommy that if your siblings get too bossy or a situation is too tense, telling a joke or sneaking up from behind and tickling your sister helps. He was the one you could count on to not be too morose at a funeral. He didn’t like to cry, at least not in front of a bunch of people. He’d much rather laugh. We could use him here today.

I learned from Uncle Tommy that friendship is equal or a very close second to family. He’s the type of person who keeps friends for life, and makes them like family. We’ve all heard stories about Bob or Braulio or others, and this should teach us all how good it is to hang on to some friends a really long time. The ones who knew you in your hippie days or in your army days but saw you change into a responsible family man are especially great to keep.

But I also learned that it is possible to make friends everywhere you go—with the waitress at the diner, the in-laws at a family wedding, or even random people who walk by you on the street. Sometimes this is a little embarrassing for his companions, as not everyone you meet wants to be friends with goofy strangers, but it is part of who Tom is. You just might make a stranger’s day, and if not, at least you had fun trying.

I learned from Uncle Tommy that there’s no need to sweat the details, because things have a way of working out. People can still read your e-mails even with typos. And if you don’t get directions to the family reunion in Jackson Hole and you don’t confirm with anyone when you will arrive and you don’t carry a cell phone…don’t worry! Someone will come looking for you and they will find you!

From Uncle Tommy I have learned all these things and more. I learned that even if we’re not feeling well, we should live life to the fullest as Tommy did—taking pictures and making photo books, cooking, online shopping, golfing, going out to lunch with his sons, delighting in the latest goofs of the McCain/Palin team, maintaining his status as the #1 Oregon Duck Fan, traveling to see family, and entertaining people everywhere he went. Even when you’re not feeling well, I learned that this is what you do if you want to have a good life. In the face of illness, Uncle Tommy taught me that hope and optimism are far better than despair.
I will end with one of my favorite quotes that I think perfectly captures Uncle Tom’s spirit. I never shared this with Tom, but I think he would like it. It’s from Henri Amiel as quoted by Marcus Borg, and it reads like a benediction:

Life is short and we do not have much time to gladden the hearts of those who travel the way with us. So, be swift to love and make haste to be kind.